Tuesday, April 28, 2015




 carefully formed or worked into shape

Full definition:

1. worked into shape by artistry or effort

The artist: my Creator.
My work: yield to the re-shaping.
Easier said than done.  

2. elaborately embellished: ornamented

A smile from her, 
his laughter, her trust, 
the innocent invitation of a child, my nephew,
dinners with friends and wild boys running, making messes, and babies, 
vigils for peace, for hope, for love,
kneading paws and purring, 
blossoms, sprouts, vibrant, alive!
On my lips, my cheeks, my eyes, 
in my heart,
they adorn, don't weigh, 
but lift me. 

3. processed for use: manufactured

What is my purpose? Why am I here? 
How will I be used? 

Will I know my place, my work, when I see it? 
Will I accept my role? 

4. beaten into shape by tools: hammered - used of metals

This is what today feels like. 

I am not in Nepal or Baltimore. 
My access to food has not been cut. 
I have enough to eat, time to sleep, roof and walls. 
No one has access to my body without my permission. 
I am safe and my family, my friends.

This morning I listened to a Nepalese woman
 who had an appendectomy just a few days ago, 
who is now in a field 
with a tube draining from her abdomen because the hospital isn't safe, 
who says she knows there are people who are much worse off than she is and she wants them to get care, 
and she asks, "But who can I complain to?"
Shaken even on steady ground.

My heart beats for her.
Bang, pound, dent, pound, dent, bang, taptaptap, 
and and is beaten by impotence.
What can I do?

Riots in Baltimore. 
But so many stood peacefully.
So many more. So many more. 
Resisting oppression. 
Resisting what must have felt like relief, 
the release of anger, frustration, and grief. 
Even if it was...

I only know this anger by proxy. 
But I don't know it. 
I don't know violence, not really. 
My formation, my shaping and re-shaping, is gentle, 
taptaptap, bend, bangtap, bangbangtap, bend, tap,
even when I think it's not. 
I have the luxury to forget who I am, where I am,
And still be me, not a "them."

My heart beats for those who struggle for "them," 
who struggle to be "I" and still have no name
(I don't know, do you?). 
Bang,  dent, pound, bang, dent, pound, bangbangtap, 
do they break with the pounding?
Do I, just to witness? 
Or does the heat allow us to bend and not break?  

5. deeply stirred: excited - often used with up 

If you're not pissed off at the world, then you're not paying attention. 
I am. Wrought up. 
Over nothing? 
Too much. 
Bang,  dent, pound, bang, dent, pound, bangbangtap, 
Not enough.
Bang,  dent, pound, bang, dent, pound, bangbangtap, 
Bang,  dent, pound, bang, dent, pound, bangbangtap, 
Bang,  dent, pound, bang, dent, pound, bangbangtap, 

And I'm grateful to be carefully formed into shape.
Will I recognize myself when the pounding stops?
Will the pounding stop?
I hope not. Not of me. 
But all of the "thems," 
please stop pounding so hard.