Pages

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Awake my soul

It may or may or not be obvious that in the last few weeks, words have not been flowing easily for me.  Something inside me has been clamoring for release, but words have not been sufficient to liberate it.  It (something I cannot define) springs from a place deeper than words can reach.

I didn't realize until today that what I perceived as writer's block was not a blockage of words at all, but a blockage of creativity beyond words that needed to be loosed. Several times over the last couple of weeks, I've tried my hand at poetry, a creative endeavor I haven't attempted in years, maybe even decades.  I found unlined paper and my words took shape, literally forming pictures as they went from brain to hand to paper.  It was a verbal vomiting, a release over which I had very little control.  I simply let the words emerge as they chose and recorded them faithfully.  After they were written, some of the words surprised me. Some left me wondering, "Where exactly did these words come from?  What do they even mean?" I decided not to analyze.

Late this afternoon I found myself wanting poetry again.  This time my poem took the shape of a tree, not surprising, since I was surrounded by many majestic figures as I wrote.  However, during the poem's formation, an awareness dawned that it wasn't poetry I needed.  I needed color, shape, texture, something I could touch.

I had no materials, because I wasn't at my own home.  I had plans to go to my dad's show opening soon, so I'd have to wait until after it before I could do anything.  The craving to create was so strong, I knew I could not ignore it.  It was a hunger I could feel as palpably as a stomach growl.

I went to the opening and felt calmer simply by being in an environment of creativity and creation.  However, being in a creative environment wasn't enough to quiet my inner rumbling.  After the show, I went to my house, got my paper, scissors, and glue and went back to where I'm staying.

My mind's playlist has shuffled itself to Mumford and Sons many times this week, perhaps because I saw them in concert Monday night.  "Awake My Soul" has been particularly present, particularly the lines "In these bodies, we will live, in these bodies we will die, where you invest your love, you invest your life" and the chorus "Awake my soul." I knew the word "awake" would be a part of something I made.

I do not claim to be an artist, but I do claim creativity as my own and creating as a vital form of expression.  I'm not too concerned about the quality of what I make as long as my soul is satisfied by the release that creative experimenting provides.

Tonight I created two things: a simple cut-paper "Awake" and an abstract cut-paper mosaic. The process of choosing paper, cutting, fitting, adjusting, and gluing was soothing.

I invested my time and my love this evening in creative expression.  My soul is awake and calm.  My hunger is filled. The blockage from within is relieved.  Now that my need to play with color, shape, and texture is met, I hope that my words can move more freely, too.

I wish for you your own experience of creative expression in whatever form it takes.  I wish for you a soul that is awake. I wish for you love and life well-invested.



No comments:

Post a Comment